Separated at Birth: Matt & The Riddler

With a passion for stylish clothes and a love of greenish hues Matt and the Riddler are almost indistinguishable. The similarities don't stop there, they both share a love of ridiculously expensive yet barely functional timepieces. "Forget the time, don't I look like a star wearing this Piaget," said the Riddler.

Both also have expressed themselves often by donning "outrageous" footwear with little or no recognizable function. "Form over function, that's what I always say," said Matt. Finally, both have said that their fondest lifetime dream is to emulate the lawn jockey as closely as possible.

Here's to them both, cheers!!!

NJ Trainshit introduces new "fouler smelling" bathrooms

In a new initiative to make its workers feel more at home NJ Trainshit has introduced a new smell reminiscent of a 19th century shithouse to the bathrooms on all of its trains and buses. Warren, a member of the 5whatever crew, finds the new smell particularly effective. "The service on this train is shitty, why shouldn't it smell that way," said Warren while making a face that would make a billy goat puke, "even the Rangers don't stink like this...".

Nina's imminent departure

April 15th - Nina "The Swede's" last day riding our putrid excuse for a commuter railroad is rapidly approaching. The current plan is for festivities at some drinking establishment in Hoboken (the front runner is Bar None on the corner of Washington and Newark St.).

The Swede has blessed us all with her busty, blonde Scandinavian presence for quite some time now and despite being one of the few female members of the crew has dealt with the frequently ribald nature of the average evening conversation with remarkable grace. That being said here are a few things we know about her:

• She's Swedish
  
  
• She gets giddy from eating too many orange tic tacs
  
  
• She enjoys Warren's company (why we have no idea)
  
  
• She's married to some guy named Urbanski?
  
  
• She's married to some guy named (whoops)
  
  
• She's got some hot looking friends and some .... well you get the idea
  
  
• She has a weakness for the Swedish chocolate bars you buy at Ikea
  
  
• Certain male passengers are mysteriously absent whenever she is not around
  
  

While we could sit here and make up more things about her, that doesn't seem nearly as much fun as speculating about the depths of Warren's despair at her departure. Oh well, I gotta get back to work but stay tuned for more speculation about Warren's reaction to the Swede's departure