Rookie Gets The Gold

Recovering from a horrible pre-skate accident involving an electrical outlet that left his hair a prickly mess, Rookie remained calm and determined in skating to the gold medal.

A young bystander named Serge said of Rookie, "Who cares about the hair, he looked hot spinning around in that half-translucent outfit. I swear I could feel my sphincter vibrating with the excitement!" We asked Serge where he was from and he said, "wherever He's from, ooohGaa."

Rookie left the arena after the medals ceremony and was swarmed by a group of 40 or 50 exceedingly well-groomed 20-something young men, who proceeded to rip his clothes off leaving him standing in half of his underwear wondering where everyone was going later.